


Forever Part 1

by TaraTyler



Series: Spemily [4]
Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 06:30:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11823141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaraTyler/pseuds/TaraTyler





	Forever Part 1

“Emily, do you remember much of the night when Ali disappeared?” Spencer asks out of nowhere one night when we were lounging in her room, supposedly studying. She had been lost in thought for the past while, but I definitely hadn’t suspected anything of that depth I thought back to the night and all I remember was a distinct feeling of fear.

“I spent most of that night afraid or asleep. Why do you ask?” I reply, suddenly nervous.

“I didn’t sleep through the night that night. I can’t remember much of it, but...Alison and I had fought. I was so much worse than usual that day. I wasn’t at all clear-headed. She found something out about me that I thought that you should know.” Spencer looks down at her hands and picks at her fingernails in that way the only does when she’s anxious.

“I’ve told you before that you can tell me anything. I’m not so easily scared off. Just start from the beginning. I get up and go sit down beside of her on the bed. Spencer is sitting cross-legged against the headboard, a pillow across her lap. I pick one of her hands up and hold it in both of mine

“I hadn’t told you and-or the others because I knew that you would look at me differently. My parent and Melissa have never looked at me the same. It’s why I’m a suspect in Alison’s murder. It’s why I didn’t sleep through the night that night and can’t remember much of what happened. I was too strung out.”

“Strung out?” I ask, praying that that didn’t mean what I thought that it meant. I would have noticed if Spencer had been on drugs right?

“Alison had found out that I was on amphetamines to help me study. I was so wired that I couldn’t stay asleep except when Alison had us drugged. We had been fighting, but when she realized that, she swore to keep it a secret between us. I had never been more grateful to her in my life.” Spencer has never looked more vulnerable to me in her entire life and I’ve seen her mid-breakdown before.

“You were doing speed?” I ask, my surprise probably apparent all over my face.

“Almost religiously.” She answers with a nod.

“I was in the depths of my obsession and my need to win. I used the pills to study, for days and nights at a time. It was only after Alison disappeared that my parents sent me to get help. They even had a private eye tail me. My own parents thought that I was capable of murdering my best friend. For a while there, I agreed. I honestly thought that it might have been me.” Spencer is crying quietly now and I have no idea of what to do to help. Do I comfort her? Do I just let her keep going? Instead I scooted closer and let her settle into my side. That seemed to help her a little bit.

“How could you believe that you would ever be capable of killing Ali? You loved her just as much as the rest of us did. You might not be the gentlest of us all, but you would never be able to hurt a fly if you didn’t feel like you had to.” I say, rather scared for Spencer, feeling desperate for her.

“I know that I didn’t kill her, now. I hallucinated while I was in withdrawal that I did, though. I believed it. I wasn’t even myself when I was like that. Who knows what I could have been capable of.” Spencer is barely audible now. I kiss her hair and hold her tightly against me. It reminds me of the day at the lake-house when we found that body.

“You could never kill anyone out of anger, Spencer. High or not, and no matter what, I still see you as my brilliant, beautiful, and brave girlfriend. If you need me to remind you everyday, I’ll do it.” I promise. “But if I see you with pills, from now on, I will smack you so hard that our grandkids will still be feeling it.

Spencer smiles softly, hope shining through her eyes.

“Our grandkids, huh?” She asks.

“Is that the only thing that you got out of that statement?” I ask, blushing when I realize what I’ve said.

“THere was something about hitting me too, but I only heard you saying that you want to have my babies” Spencer smiles and kisses me softly.

“Yeah, I don’t think that I ever actually said that.” I correct her, immediately backtracking.

“But we would have super attractive, athletic, genius babies.” Spencer insists, now totally and completely distracted.

“Who solve crimes.” I add.

“We could start a book series.” Spencer nods thoughtfully, a very sage look on her face for how very silly she was being.

“Aria could write it for us.” I suggest, enjoying the playful conversation. It was pretty great to see the playful Spencer after having been getting in deep with the vulnerable Spencer.

“We would have to get married first.” Spencer looks at me her eyes suddenly serious, but the line of her mouth pulled up in a playful grin. “You would make a beautiful bride.”

That hit me right in the feels and I could tell that Spencer was picturing it in her mind from the from the day-dreamy look on her face.

“I’d have Hanna as my maid of honor and you would have Aria.” I continue the train of thought. I like these moments, pretending to plan the future with Spencer. It’s at these times that I feel the most at peace, even in the midst of the turmoil that is our crazy life.

“Your mom would cry, and Melissa would go all bridezilla on my behalf. She loves weddings and would use mine as a way to overcompensate for not having her own.” Spencer laughs and I still think that it’s my favorite sound.

“What about your parents?” I ask, knowing that it’s a touchy subject.

“They’re there too.” Is all that she adds about them. “But your dad is there and he walks you down the aisle to me. I wouldn’t be able to stand all of the eyes and he’s in uniform.”

I smile, glad that she thought about him. I can almost see the whole thing in my mind and it’s so perfect that it almost hurts.

“I wish that it was tomorrow. That feels like forever from now.” I confess and I think that maybe we are getting too deep too fast.

“Forever isn’t that long. Four years ago we thought that graduation was forever away and now it feels like no time has passed at all.” She murmurs thoughtfully and lays back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling.

I follow suit, stretching out across her bed and laying my head down on her shoulder. This room is so familiar now that it feels more like ‘our’ room than ‘her’ room. I feel like I’ve spent a good half of my life in this house.

“I feel like high-school has lasted a life-time. If you think back to freshman year, the four of us were completely different people. Those girls wouldn’t have recognized us.” Emily back then was scared of everything. Especially herself and her own feelings. Now I knew that I could take what the world had to throw at me. I could handle prejudice, bigotry, and crazy stalkers with knives. Now I have friends that I can rely on and parents who love and accept me. I have a girlfriend who is crazy about me, confides in me, and gets excited about planning a wedding that won’t be for years down the road.

“Freshman Spencer would be so jealous that she could pop. Me, sober, and getting laid regularly. A girlfriend that I love, who knows my secrets, and is totally hot. My sister, far, far away from me. What could be better?” She laughs when I hit her in the stomach.

“Maybe if there wasn’t a murder investigation, a dead best friend, and a psycho-killer-text blackmailer?” I suggest.

“Yeah, that would be nice too.” Spencer shrugs it off. “Who knew that dead lake guy would turn into such a pain in the ass?”

They still haven’t identified the body that we found yet. We’ve been questioned separately twice since that night two months ago. No one seems to know much of anything about it. Mrs.Hastings has been all over the Rosewood Police Department about it. Seh was really cool about defending both Spencer and myself for the hot two minutes that we were considered suspects. She didn’t even blink when Spence told her that we were a couple now.

“For real, but you mom is on that now, so we’re in the clear.” I say with a sigh of relief.

“And for once we didn’t actually do anything wrong.” Spencer adds and I have to admit that -A actually hasn’t bothered us about this one.

“Are you both dressed? I’m coming in!” Hanna barges into the room with her hand shielding her eyes.

“We’re both decent, Han. What brings you over with no prior warning?” Spencer asks, rearranging her long legs on the bed when I sit up.

“I texted you both repeatedly and called. What had you so distracted?” Aria asks, trailing in behind Hanna.

“We were just talking.” I say, but I blush anyhow.

“Then why is your shirt inside out?” Hanna asks, a smirk lighting up her entire face.

“I never said that that was all that we had been doing.” I have to wonder why Hanna is so pleased by this. It’s rather disturbing.

Spencer grins like she is also proud of herself. At least she has done something to take pride in. Lots of things to take pride in, really.

“Quit that, Spence. There’s no need to go all Cheshire Cat. We get it, you’re getting laid on the reg. No need to rub it in.” Aria grumbles.

“You’re just upset that your boyfriend is a dad now.” Spencer says snarkily.

“Don’t remind me.”

“Too late.”

“You’re an ass.” 

“I know.”

“So what were you guys talking about?” Hanna asks to break up the bickering. I am eternally grateful.

“Our hypothetical wedding.” Spencer says before I can stop her. She has gotten very good at causing me embarrassment.

“How gross.” Aria mutters.

“You’re just bitter. That’s really gross, but in a sweet and romantic way. Is one of you planning on proposing or something?” Hanna asks.

“Not any time soon, I don’t think.” I look to Spencer to check with her.

“Yeah, we were just goofing around.” She adds. “We were having a silly moment.” 

“You two are too sweet. Hashtag: relationship goals.” Hanna says with a grin.

“I’m really happy for the both of you, and actually quite proud that you’re taking this so seriously.” Aria says, in her kind and grown-up manner. I have to wonder how she matured so quickly.

“Yeah, I think that it’s wonderful too. I’m just jealous that I had never considered dating within the friend group before you guys did.” She casts a baleful glance over at Aria.

“NO.” was our smallest friend’s immediate reaction. 

I laugh and Spencer laughs; suddenly we are all laughing and it’s the most carefree that I have felt in years. I look back to Spencer and she was already watching me on her own. She leans in and kisses me out of nowhere, right in front of our friends

“What’s that for?” I ask, a little bit surprised.

“You looked particularly beautiful right then. I haven’t seen you laugh like that in a long time.” I should have know that Spencer is always watching. She doesn’t miss a thing. Spencer notices every little detail, I’ve found. It is one of several things that make her the world’s best girlfriends.

\------/////------

“How do you feel about raiding the fridge for food?” Spencer asks when we start to get hungry around an hour later.

We agree and head downstairs, my shirt now on correctly. I spend a lot of time here but I have yet to see one of Spencer’s parents in the past three weeks. That’s kind of scary to me. It works out fantastically for our sex life, not so much for Spencer’s relationship with her parents, which to me has always felt kind of strained. I worry for her. I find that I have spent the vast majority of my time worrying about something or the other since my freshman year of high school.

“Where did you say that your parents were this time?” I ask, because I’m nosy and this girl in front of me is quite possibly the love of my life.

“Working cases. I think that my mom is in Cali. I’m not sure about my dad.” Spencer shrugs, she’s so used to this and it is so unfair to her. I nod, though I know that Spencer can’t see me.

We drag ourselves to the living room and lounge over various pieces of furniture, well all of us but Spencer who draped herself over me. I had never taken her for such an avid cuddler before. She was asleep within minutes, her sandwich completely forgotten . It was amazing how comfortable the girl had gotten with me so quickly. I guess that the same could be said of myself though.

“Is she asleep already?” Aria asks in amazement, looking at Spencer burying her face in my shoulder to snore.

“Yeah, it’s pretty amazing. As soon as her head hits the pillow or me, she’s out. It’s practically a talent and she won’t wake up for anything.” I hold up my hand to Spencer’s ear and snap twice. She doesn’t even twitch One of my arms wraps around Spencer’s waist and her arms twine a little more tightly around my neck.

“Does she do the same thing when you aren’t there?” Hanna asks, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes and an eyebrow lifted.

“Wouldn’t know. If I’m not here… and I usually am, then we fall asleep talking on the phone.” I admit, realizing that Aria was right. We are a really gross couple. At least we have managed to make that look good on us.

“Here, let me help you out on this.” Aria takes a permanent marker from her purse and scribbles something on the back of Spencer’s hand.

“What’s that?” I ask, unable to see around a mop of brown hair.

“Property of Emily Fields. Clearly you’ve got her whipped somehow.” Aria jokes, but looks on at the both of us in amusement.

“I haven’t done a thing to her. It’s just how our relationship operates. I love her and she loves me and we would both do anything for the other.” I correct her, I don’t like the idea of someone thinking of my girlfriend as my property.

“Oh, she’ll love it. Trust me.” Hanna says with a grin.

After this we all settle in for the night, Spencer nestled peacefully in my arms.

\-----/////-----

The thunder claps outside were the first thing that I noticed when Spencer shook me awake.

“Get up, up! Get Hanna, and come on.” Spencer’s tone struck fear into my heart, her hair dripping onto me as I scramble to my feet.

“Spencer, what’s wrong?!” I chase after her as we all follow to the porch.

“Help me out here, Em.” She tells me, stepping back out into the rain, pulling at something that lets out a groan in response. I jump after her, correctly reading the anxiety in her voice.

“Alison?” I ask, immediately identifying the wet, unconscious, blonde form.

“We need to get her inside. Now.” Spencer says, hefting our lost friend into her arms as I help. Aria and Hanna hold the door open so that Spencer and I can get ALi to the guest bedroom.

“Is she hurt?” Aria asks.

“We need to get her out of these wet clothes.” I say, worried about the possibility of pneumonia.

“We should call the police.” Hanna adds.

“Guys, stop. I need to think.” Spencer demands in her bossy tone that leaves no room for argument.

We all hush as Spencer, Hanna, Aria, and I look Alison over for injury.

“We won’t know much of anything until she wakes up. You two run her a hot bath while Emily and I get her out of her wet clothes. I can’t really decide on what to do until I’ve done a thorough exam.” Spencer runs a hand through her wet hair.

“You don’t have to decide now, Spence. You’re allowed to be just as freaked out as we are. Feel your feelings.” I try to reassure her.

“Not now, Emily. We can talk about our emotions later.” She cuts me off, tugging Alison’s shirt off as I cut her jeans from her legs. “Why now?” She looks back at me and asks desperately after a few moments.

“We’ll have to ask her.” I say with a heavy sigh.

“She isn’t bleeding anywhere. Check her head for blood or bumps or bruises.” Spencer orders, so I walk my fingers through her hair, across her scalp

I don’t even know what to think anymore. I had spent so long working to help get Alison homw, that with her here, I don’t know what to do with her. I had been in love with her for so long. Now, I had Spencer, whom I adored whole-heartedly and actually loves me back. Alis on had come home to a brand new world.

“You okay, Em?”. Spencer asks, having caught me staring at our long lost friend.  
“This changes everything. Playing the game just got a lot harder.” I’m scared now, of how this could shake everything. “What are we going to tell the police? Mr. and Mrs.D? Jason?”

“We’ll figure it out. I’m a Hastings, remember? And with you and the other girls we can fo anything.” Spencer says, finally sounding confident, and hugging me tightly. “We’ll be okay.”

Together Spencer and I got Alison into the bath that Aria and Hanna had drawn.

“How does she look?” Asks Hanna as Aria kneels to start washing Ali off Out of the group, Aria was the best nursemaid.

“No obvious injuries. If she doesn’t wake up within the hour, I’m going to call an ambulance. If she has gotten into trouble, I’m not going to let her drag us down with her as well this time. We can do what we can to help, but I don’t want to get into trouble as well.” Spencer says decidedly. The other girls and I agree, I think that we’ve all grown tired of the games that we’ve been pulled into because of Ali. Still, that doesn’t mean that we are going to abandon her completely. She was one of our best friends for a long time and we’ve mourned her loss for almost as long.

“Hanna, can you go get her some water? She seems dehydrated.” Aria suggests as Spencer and I excuse ourselves to go get dry.

“Spence, you’re drenched… and exhausted.” I drape a towel over her head playfully.  
“It’s at times like this that I miss the pills. I don’t feel like a good enough leader without them. I’m tired and wet and unsure. What if I should have just called the ambulance right then” she pulls the towel off of her head and sits on the bed looking at it as I pull off my wet top, undershirt, and bra before pulling on one of Spencer’s field hockey hoodies.

“You are a brilliant leader and you don’t need pills to prove it. Asking yourself ‘what if’ questions isn’t going to help us or our resurrected friend.” I pull on a pair of her panties and I almost get a reaction, followed by her sweats.

“I never expected being the leader to be this hard.” Spencer mutters.

“Arms up.” I order and she complies automatically as though she were on autopilot. I keep talking as I pull her shirt off. “You’ve had to deal with a lot more than Ali ever did, and if you ask me, you’ve done a much better job.”

She takes that in as I unsnap her bra and pull another sweatshirt over her head.

“What makes you say that?” She asks as I pull her up by both hands, tuck a lock of hair behind her ear and get down on my knees, cold fingers struggling with the button on her jeans.

“You’ve kept us alive. Ali almost got us all killed. That’s always a plus in my books.”I mutter, pulling the heavy material down and trying to ignore the way my heart rate picks up from the familiar motion.

“Plus, I have you. She was too blind to just how fantastic you really are. You’re strong and supportive, even when I’m kind of an ass.” Spencer says, stepping out of her panties without breaking eye contact. I stand and kiss her. One of my favorite things in the world is how Spencer smiles when I kiss her, like she just can’t help it, or wouldn’t want to help it. Now is no different.

Spence is so gentle and sometimes still wary of me. My arms wrap around her waist and pull her in closer, my lips trace a path down her collarbone until I place a hand on her shoulder.

“We can’t until this is sorted.” I pant, though really I’m the one that started it.

“After?” Spencer asks hopefully.

“Immediately after.” Is my automatic reply that garners a fantastic grin.

“Good. You know that I love you, right?” Spencer asks carefully.

“I do. And you know that I love you too, right? Even when you’re an ass, you’re insecure, or when you are sad or scared. I’ll still love you.” I remind her; kissing one more time before guiding her back down the stairs, now with pants on.

Spencer now looks much more at ease, whether it’s the dry clothes, the kissing, or the pep talk, I don’t know. I’m just glad that she’s feeling better.

“Spence! Emily! Ali’s awake!” Hanna whisper-yells up the staircase as we started to rush down.

We followed quickly to where Alison sat on the guest bed in a fluffy white bathrobe. Spencer hugged her carefully and I followed suit before backing away to let Spence take the lead with the questions.

“Ali...are you okay?” She asks.

“That depends on your definition of okay. I’m not injured, I don’t think. Just incredibly tired, hungry, and thirsty.” Alison answers and I can’t help but to be shocked by the difference in her. She’s so much thinner and gaunt now, deep circles under her eyes, voice raspy and weak.

“If you were dehydrated enough to faint, we should get you to a hospital. Unless there is something else that we need to know?” Spencer asks, her keys in hand.

“First, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am…” Alison begins, but I cuther off.

“You can hold off on all of that till later. We need you safe and healthy before you start trying to make amends.” I say, my tone a bit more forceful that I meant for it to be.

“With you here now… are we in any danger?” Aria asks.  
“No more than you were before I got here.” Alison answers.

“Okay, we’re going then. Emily call the DiLaurentis house, Aria, the police, Hanna our parents.” Spencer says as I continue to help Ali to the car. “Sit in the back with Emily.” She tells her. My heart feels like it’s beating out of my chest as I try not to panic. If Spencer’s unsure, then I am going to be too. I wish that I could be up there, even if just to hold her hand. It’s kind of funny that back when I was fourteen, this was the dream, Ali depending on me. Now I just want some peace and quiet with Spencer.

I dialed my phone for Alison’s parents, not looking forward to being the one to tell them the news. Alison herself was snoozing with her head in my lap, a granola bar held loosely in one limp hand. I was worried about her for sure, but I realized that I had healed and forgiven. I wasn’t in love with her anymore and I’m very glad about it.

“Hi, Mrs. D, it’s Emily Fields. The girls and I were spending the night at Spencer’s house and… well, Alison showed up on her porch. She’s not hurt but we are on our way to the hospital with her. Aria is on the phone right now with the Rosewood PD and Spencer is driving, and Hanna is getting ahold of our parents. We just thought that you should know. She’s sleeping right now, but we’ll see you there. Bye, Mrs.D.” I don’t let the older woman get a word in edgewise, I’m not in a mood for answering questions.

“Well done, Em.” Spencer says.

I smile in reply and brush Ali’s hair out of her face. Even in her dreams she seems distressed. Still, I feel like we’ve done everything for her that we can. I’m not even clear yet on whether or not I would be okay with Alison sticking around. She seems to have a toxic effect on the four of us.

“We’re here. Everyone out.” Spencer announces, coming out around the back to get Alison.

“Time to wake up, honey.” She says and gives Alison a hand getting down.Once I’m out behind her, Spencer keeps a tight grip on my hand all of the way into the hospital.

We check Alison in to the ER and sit to wait on her parents. I lean on Spence’s shoulder and Aria leans on mine. I’m asleep in like ten seconds. I hadn’t realized just how late it was getting. Everyone was going to be so suspicious of the four of us. Spencer, Hanna, Aria, and I are getting into way too much trouble with the cops way too often. This really needed to be the last time that we had a run in with them for a few years.

Spencer stayed awake to handle the parents, and I think that she might have been too freaked out to go to sleep. My hand locked around hers held us together like she was my anchor. She held back to me, but kept her face cold like she was trying to not feel her feelings. We were going to need to discuss being able to feel your feelings. I don’t know why Spencer felt like she needed to be the strong one for us.

I woke up again when our mothers rushed in. My mom threw her arms around my neck and squeezed, asking me how I felt. I told her that I didn’t even begin to know how to answer that. I answered all of her questions honestly, relieved to finally be able to do that. I never let go of Spencer’s hand. She was the only one with no one there for her.

“You girls can’t do anything for her here. Why don’t you come home with us, Spencer?” My mom invites her to come with us and I feel a rush of affection for her.

“Thank you for the offer, Mrs. Fields, but I would really like to be here for Ali when she wakes up. She needs one of her friends here for her and I don’t have anyone to wait up for me. I’d like to stay.”

“I want to stay as well, Mom. If anything were to happen, I’d want to be here.”I add to Spencer’s statement and look to the other two girls who are nodding in agreement. They presented their individual arguments to their parents despite the fact that we were all exhausted. None of us wanted to leave Alison despite all of the actual hell that she had put us through.

“As long as the four of you stick together, I’m sure that you’ll be okay.” Ms.Marin says, concern still written all over her face.

“We love you girls, be good.” Says Mrs.Montgomery leaning heavily on her ex-husband. Our parents looked like hell, we’ve put them through so much and the guilt laid heavily on our shoulders in different ways.

“Of course.” I reply, because I’m the good one. “We love you all, too.”

“I’m sure that your mother and father would be here if they could, Spencer.” Says my mother.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Spencer answers her and I can tell that she doesn’t really mean it either.

The adults all look at her for a moment, say their goodbyes and leave. Just a second later Ezra comes in and Aria sits up off of me and leans into his side.

“She’s really here?” He asks and Aria nods. I’m still not clear on whether or not they’re back together. Even if they aren’t back together, I’m pretty sure that they are.

“She’s in an exam room being looked over. The police will be here soon. They’ll be holding us up for a while. Mrs.DiLaurentis is in there with Ali, now, her dad is on his way. No one has seen Jason for a few months. We figure that he’s dying out somewhere.” Spencer rattles off and I squeeze her hand lightly. I know that she worries about her brother. Spencer worries about everything.

“You guys can go back to sleep if you need to. I’ll wake you when we learn something.” She adds. Her watch says that it’s three a.m.

“No way. You’ve been up longer than any of us. You nap and I’ll wake you up if anything happens.” I could see the exhaustion in Spencer’s eyes. SHe needed this a lot more than I did. It didn’t take long for her to stop protesting. I brushed my fingers through her soft brown hair gently until she fell asleep with her head in my lap, face hidden in my stomach.

“Mr.D, they’re in exam room 4.”

I whisper when he comes in looking worried and flustered. All of the girls are asleep now, Aria against Ezra’s shoulder, Hanna on mine, and Spencer in my lap. She’s breathing evenly and deeply, her mouth hanging slightly ajar. She loses years off of her appearance when she’s asleep. Spencer now looks almost like Freshman Spencer. Both Spencers are beautiful, but I have a particular fondness for this one.

“Thank you for staying...and thank the others for me when they wake up.” He says solemnly before running to find his wife and daughter.

It’s another half hour before anyone tells us any news. I gently nudge the girls, accepting coffees from Mrs.DiLaurentis. I thank her and look at her expectantly for information. The five of us stare at her with wide worried eyes. We have to be a force with four puppy-dog eyes teenage girls and a boyish looking Ezra.

“She’s exhausted, dehydrated, and malnourished. She’s going to be okay, but she wants to see you. The doctor says one at a time, though. We can’t have too many people around at once overwhelming her. Stick around though, the police want your statements.”

I’m glad to hear that Ali’s okay but I really just want to get out of here. I want to curl up with Spencer and just sleep for a week. The cops give me the creeps and I’m terrified of what Alison might tell us. I refuse to lie for her again. I don’t want to lie to anyone ever again if I can help it.

“You guys go first. My questions can wait until last.” I say, I’m not planning to get on her case yet, but there are a few things that I absolutely have to know. Spencer casts me a concerned glance, but I tell her not to worry. I pech her chastely on the lips and win a soft smile for my trouble. The girls all nod in understanding. They know exactly why I asked to go last.

Hanna and Aria both go in and hug Alison with a smile, coming out teary eyed, but pleased. Spencer and I don’t ask many questions but they tell us that Ali had apologized and promised to make amends. She looked so small in that hospital bed that it was hard to imagine that she used to seem like she took up an entire room. Her light showed up like there was no more room for anyone else. Now she just seemed like a black hole, sucking the energy out of the room, and out of Spence.

Spencer talks animatedly with her hands, her facial expressions as easy to understand as any book. Alison’s is stuck at just tired, her hands folded on her lap, over the blanket. I can’t tell what she’s talking about. I can’t tell what Alison is thinking. Hanna and Aria say that she is swearing up, down, and across that she’s changed. I don’t believe that that is necessarily true, maybe I’m just too paranoid.

Spencer comes back looking shaken, and I hug her tight, doing my best to comfort her quickly.

“She asked me to send you in after. Ali’s getting anxious, so… be careful. We don’t want her to go into hysterics… just… I love you, okay?” Spencer reminds me, looking nervous. Finally, it dawns on me why.

“You have nothing to worry about. I love you, and you alone. I got over Ali a long time ago, with a lot of help from you.” I give her a wry smile at the end.

“How did I help?” Spence looks confused.

“You wore that field hockey skirt. It drove me nuts and I had no idea why for a long time. It was my own personal purgatory. Your Hastings legs could kill a body.” I tell her, happy feelings spreading in my chest as an almost shy smile alights on Spencer’s face. I lay her hand over my heart and kiss her softly and slowly, like a reminder.

“Go talk to Ali. I’ll be here waiting. Ezra will take Hanna and Aria home.” She’s almost blushing and I wonder if this is anxiety or exhaustion. I kiss her once again before going to Alison’s bedside.

Immediately I hug her, just out of so much relief and two years’ worth of mourning. She hugs me back with all of the strength in her weak arms. She is so thin and so small that it hurts to see. Dark purple-red circles hang underneath her eyes and her cheeks are sunken in; colorless.

“Are you feeling any better, yet?” I ask, unsure of what to say to her.

“I’m working on it.” She answers. “It’s nice to feel safe for once. It is so good to see you girls and have you know that it’s actually me this time.”

“It was you… It was actually you who saved me from that barn. I thought that I was hallucinating.” I say, blanching.

“Do you remember what I said?” Ali asks, her face very carefully arranged into a blank mask. She didn’t want to give anything away.

“Every word. I remember ever word. I just don’t know what’s true or not. You said that I was your favorite and that you missed me the most. You kissed me and then you left me… again.” Anger bubbles up in me again, I never knew that I could care for someone so much and still want to strangle them so much. Except that I feel that way about Spencer on occasion. That’s a confusing thought.

“I know, and I am so sorry. It hurt me to leave you behind the most.” Alison stares sadly down at her hands.

“You can’t say things like that, Ali. It messes with my head and my heart can’t take it. I loved you and you used that against me. You let me think that I had a chance with you, than you shot me down.” I almost shouted. It took everything I had not to cry.

“Well, you did have chance with me, Emily Fields. I lied. Every chance that I got to, I lied. None of those kisses were for practice, ever. I meant it every-time. I love you, I’ve always loved you, and everything that I did, I did for you. I never saw the thing with you and Spencer coming. I probably should have though, because the two of you are good for one another.” Alison says sadly. I can’t tell whether or not she is being honest. I don’t know that I will ever know again.

“We are good together. We’re good for one another. We make each other better.” I sit back on the bed next to Alison. “I don’t know what you want from me. Did you want me to wait for you? I thought that you were dead. I thought that you were leading me on and that you would never feel what I felt for you. Spencer is honest with me and told me that she felt the same as I did. She fights for me. She’s kinds to me and she loves me.”

“I’m happy for you, honest, and it was very wrong of me to treat you like that back then. I will forever be sorry. I hoped against hope that you would wait for me the whole time that I was gone. Spencer is incredibly lucky. I always took you for granted.” Alison says.

“Thank you, and I am very glad that you’ll be okay. The girls and I will come and visit again. Thank you… for the apology.” I say, something I hadn’t known was in my chest loosening up and floating away.

“Until then.” Ali says, lying back into her pillows. 

I leave and return promptly to Spencer’s side. I understand why all of us had come out looking torn inside out now. Alison still had her hold on us. She might always. We still belonged to her somehow. The Alison DiLaurentis magic at its worst.

I bury my face into Spencer’s shirt, my shoulders shaking though no tears will come. Her arms wind around my waist and squeeze me tightly, the best comfort that I could ask for. She kisses my hair and reminds me that she loves me, and I pick my head up and out of her shoulder to kiss her hard once. She stares sadly at me and licks salt from her lips. She leans her forehead against mine and I don’t care that I can feel Alison’s eyes in my back.

“Thank you, for being here.” I say and it has ten or twelve deeper meanings to it.

“I will always be here. Whenever you need me.” She promises and that is all that I have ever needed from anybody. “Do you want to go home now?”

“That would be very nice.” I say without letting go.

Spencer unpeels me from her and grips my hand as though it were a lifeline. We walk in a comfortable silence to her car and she slides me in before climbing into her own driver’s seat. I am fitfully asleep within minutes. I only wake up for a little bit when the car stops and Spencer lifts me from my seat. By the time that she has put me in the bed I am all of the way out. It is so much more restful with Spencer gently nestling herself into my embrace.

I awake to Spencer half on top of me, snoring lightly, her breath fanning out over my shoulder. I love the way her face falls when she’s asleep. Why would she ever even consider the possibility of my leaving her for Alison? Spencer is steady and strong, her confidence palpable, even when it isn’t real. Just being around her makes me feel like I can take on the world.

What is it about some people that they have fire and stardust in their bones? Lava instead of blood in their veins. They enter a room and command it automatically. Spencer and Alison have that. All of the light in a room is drawn to them without even trying. IT makes them shine from within themselves.

In my arms, she glitters with the sunlight filtering in through her bedroom window. I trace her freckles with an index finger and observe the goose-flesh rising underneath my touch. THe human body is glorious and tender. Spencer would know so much more about these things than I do, she could explain the science behind it all, and name the muscles beneath the skin that I trace. I just sum her up as a miracle or magic. She has to be something unexplainable. 

“Good morning, love.” I murmur as she gradually forces herself from her haze of sleep.

“Mornin.” Spencer replies. “Have you been awake long?”

“Just a couple of minutes. I was watching you sleep.” I confess, though I bear no shame. “Thank you for carrying me to bed last night. It was incredibly sweet of you.”

“No big, I’m just glad that last night is over. How was your talk with Ali?” Spencer asks, looking ready to analyze every word that passed between the two of us.

“She apologized for leading me on, and all of the other stuff. SHe said that I had a chance with her if I wanted it. SHe then said that she was glad that I had you and that we were good for one another. THat was the end of it.” I say with a shrug.

“That’s about the same thing that she told me, when I told her that the two of us were together.” Spencer says with a nod.

“I’m proud of us.” I say.

“Why?” Spencer asks looking surprised.

“We managed to surprise Alison DiLaurentis. How many people can say that?”


End file.
